losing my mind

what was i thinking when i had these 2 lil kiddlets so close together? am i insane???!?!!! what EVER gave me the impresison that i could handle TWO toddlers at ONE time {sigh} was i trying to punish myself for something :(
well -- in case you cant tell
i am not well!!!
LOL!!!
i am going nutso with these 2 lil beasties of mine :)
i think "MOOOOoooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm" is said, yelled, screamed -- no less than 350 times every day
i should count it! LOL!
but really, its ALOT!!!
they are both in this whining, screaming stage -- that is SO frustrating!!!!
Logan had started being very aggresive with Kenzie -- he pushes, hit, scratches, KICKS, punches & anything else he can do to hurt her -- & he screams at her, right in her face!
which of course makes her scream, cry - & she is starting to HIT back!! greeeeeeeeeeaaat!!!
altho, i cant say that i blame her
but he just TORTURES her!! she comes running, at top speed, as FAST as those little wee legs will take her-- screaming to find me because she is so terrified of him! its really very sad!
& i remember the feeling --
oh yes, my big brother used to torture the hell outta me!!! ALL the time! until we were teenagers!! i can remember running & screaming at the top of my lungs from him, when i was well into my teens. its awful! why do boys do this? {sigh} & i wish i knew how to make him stop. i just dont know the answer & I HATE that!!! i dont know what to do FOR HER! & I dont know how to make him understand what he is doing to her! & the LASTING impression it is leaving on her & how its hurting their relationship.
not that she is completely a sweet, little angel LOL!! not at all!!! but, she is mostly acting in self-defense & self-preservation
ack! like i said
what was I THINKING???
oh & ummmm
throwing a TEENAGE boy on top of that
omgosh :(
i must be crazy!!!
{sigh}
or if not, then i WILL BE soon
by the time dh gets home at night i am just so emotionally & mentally drained that i can barely deal with anything
i just pass them off & go to my room
luckily my husband is very understanding & if i tell him that i need a break, he tells me "ok, go"
he very rarely gives me any hassle about taking some time for myself
i know how lucky i am that he is that way
i dont know how i would do it, if i was alone, 24-7
i take my hats off to single moms & those that have their partners overseas or that work out of town or whatever -- i dont know how you do it!! but u must be amazing, miracle parents!!!
i feel like a not-so-good mom right now
i just dont have the patience that i should
{sigh}
i am never sure if i am dicsiplining them right
i yell
& I wish i didnt
i hate yelling
but it seems thats the only way to get my voice heard when they are both yelling & screaming at me or eachother
my house is so loud :(
i want a quiet, peaceful house
is that really to much to ask
(YES apparently is IS!!!)
sorry for the pity party
but GAAAAH!!!!! :)
dont judge me please, just a mom having a bad day (or week!!! LOL!)
we are entitled to them too -- right?